Cursing & Blessing

When I was younger I used to curse a lot.

My mother moved us around A LOT. Although middle school consists of three years, I attended four different schools and for 6th and 7th grades, I switched schools mid year. This caused me to always be the new girl, and not just the new girl, but the new girl who thinks she's cute. Well, that's what the other girls said prior to harassing, taunting or jumping on me. I never stayed anywhere long enough to make friends to help out in these situations.

Therefore, I perfected a resting b!@#$ face and learned to curse. I became a master sailor; I could make a grown man cry with my words. However, it was a defense mechanism I taught myself to not have to fight so much. Even as a teenager my voice was powerful, I just didn't know how to effectively use it, and instead of learning to say what I was feeling, I lashed out at everybody.

I didn't grow up regularly attending church, but in my early 20's while in college, I joined a group of young adults who were radically religious, and I began to learn about God. I think I learned more about what I "betta do" and what I "betta not do," so I made myself stop cursing and became a people pleaser. College was not going to be like my twelve years of secondary education, so the downward spiral into shrinking myself and quieting myself to fit in the group commenced.

In my 30's, I ended up with high blood pressure, four kids, divorced and depressed. 🚬 & ☕Although I stopped cursing people out with my mouth, I was cussin' them all to hell in my heart and taking me there along with them.

It took me all the way to 40 to realize that I could open my mouth to use my words to say how I felt, what I wanted and needed, where I wanted to go, who I wanted to be and with whom I wanted to be, who I am, what I do and don't like and to ask for help without guilt, shame and self-condemnation.

Now that I'm older, I use my words to bless a lot.

In case you all didn't know, I am the "Sis" in Speak Up Sis! I decided to open my mouth to bless instead of to curse. Now, I share my story to inspire yours and to give you permission to open your mouth and do the same. "We triumph by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony." -Revelations 12:11